10 Immutable Laws of Parenting
Law of Parenting #10 Baby toys were invented to make sure that Mom learns to play ‘Fetch’
#9 The Law of Breast Feeding: To beat the Holiday crowds, all you need to do is go to a crowded mall, whip out a breast and start feeding your baby.
Law of Motherhood #8: Showers were made for people who don’t have babies.
#7 The Law of Baby Food: Baby Food is made in such a way as to guarantee that your baby will nurse for the rest of his or her life.
Law of Parenting #6 Small baby toys exist to make sure that Mom finds every dust bunny in the house.
Law of Parenting #5 Baby items are constructed in such a way as to guarantee that the apparatus won’t be installed/assembled until the baby is of voting age.
#4 The Converse Law of Parenting: It takes twice as long to dress your baby is it will to arrive at your destination.
#3 Einstein’s theory of baby relativity sates that your baby’s weight will exactly exceed the amount of upper body strength you need when you forget to bring the stroller with you to the mall.
#2 Baby sleep techniques were created for the parents; to leave them passed out from exhaustion while their toddler runs around banging toys and screaming.
#1 Baby will ignore all toys that cost over $20 and be completely entertained by things that cost nothing: light sockets, dog food, spare electrical cord, kindling and dirt.